“Maybe you should never transition”: On the four cisnormative corridors of denial trans people face when readiness to transition is voiced.

|||| Patience Newbury

The great revelation of 2011: not every child is cisgender, and not every child has a cissexual body.

Stop the presses. Or something.

It should be qualified somewhat: this was the biggest revelation of 2011 to a cisnormative audience and to cis people individually. For trans people who have (with gruelling patience) watched all of this cis fascination over trans children suddenly entering the cisnormative consciousness, one superlative of all superlatives emerged: this was the biggest non-story of our trans lives.

As trans people, we’ve been shrewdly aware of this knowledge for generations. For many, that knowledge is pretty clear throughout our entire conscious lives. For others, it lingers, nudges, and prods in the background until something — a particular event or an epiphany — forces us to confront and affirm it.

For trans people, perhaps the only noteworthy step forward about 2011 was knowing that cis people — who have collectively upheld this cisnormative social order in which we all find ourselves — have begun to recognize our life-long realities as plausible, if not entirely probable. It’s a small concession by cis people — not some great leap forward.


There has long been resistance against children who try to come out as trans — or more precisely, resistance against listening to a young trans person who voices that they’re a girl or a boy in spite of how they were (coercively) assigned at birth.

This resistance, however, is becoming more publicly discussed. We are seeing the emergence of a new variation on an old, cissexist theme: “No, it’s not a good time for you to transition. This is going to be so hard on us. Oh won’t you wait or reconsider this choice for us normal people?”

With this sentiment now being openly directed at trans people during their childhood — now that trans children have been magically made ‘real’ within the cisnormative imagination — it is finally possible now to reveal to cis people plainly that saying, “Maybe you shouldn’t transition right now,” to a trans person is a message which does occur at every age and at every turn.

Their subtext is plain and unambiguous to nearly every trans person: “Maybe you should never transition.”


To deny, disallow, or obstruct a trans person’s transition from the moment they articulate their readiness for it is a cisnormative denial of trans people at its most raw, foundational level: we are somehow fabricated; we are even more deluded; and we couldn’t possibly be authentic — regardless of how old or young we are.

Now that this denial can be seen occurring at any point during a trans person’s life — whether they’re ready to transition at age 4 or age 44 — it is also an act of wilful violence against a trans person to deny them their agency to speak for themselves and to deny them from transitioning without repercussion on their own terms.

To deny that agency serves positively no benefit to a trans person. It merely impresses a cis person’s own denial of a trans person onto that trans person, forcing the latter to serve a cissexist penance to the former’s cisnormative-informed whims — that is, to be cis is the only “normal” a person can ever be.

This penance is why trans people so assiduously attempt to end their lives. It is why so many of those manage to complete their transition from life to death.

This cisnormative violence toward trans people has to stop.

This imperative to forestall transitioning is delivered by cis people who maintain that a trans child’s transition — much like any trans person’s transition — is a problem to be suppressed and averted at every expense.

At the other end, a trans person who transitions after their body has matured and aged becomes the undesired social benchmark of what everyone wants to avoid. That is, trans people want to avoid waiting twenty, thirty, or more years, while cis people don’t want their (conditionally) loved ones to ever end up becoming that social signifier.

What then happens is a conditional rationalization voiced by cis people toward trans people which remains constant, but varies on the age when a trans person voices themselves as a trans person.


There are several variations on this overarching theme for obstructing a trans person’s agency to transition.

Each variation is dependent on which corridor of one’s life a trans person finds themselves once they are ready to assert their agency over their future and over their body. These corridors are developed from a cisnormative world view on when a body should develop and how a person should be socialized. These corridors are not necessarily the choosing of trans people, but trans people are nevertheless bound to those terms when cis people direct them on what they should not be doing for themselves.

“Corridor” — while impressing the idea that time is somehow synonymous with space (yes, there is spacetime, but let’s keep it simple) — offers a useful metaphor to visualize the one-way directionality of growing older and how messages directed at someone are discrete and distinct based on how old other people believe them to be.

For trans children, often under the age of 10, to now be publicly berated and to be told that their coming out and transition as children is abominable — the Girl Scouts in Louisiana comes to mind, as does a certain washroom case in Maine — it is now possible to recognize that there are four discrete corridors of cisnormative resistance toward trans people’s readiness to transition.

  • First corridor, pre-adolescence: “You don’t know any better. You’re too young to understand”;
  • Second corridor, during adolescence: “It’s a confusing time. Wait until after puberty’s done”;
  • Third corridor, late development: “You should wait until you’re totally sure. You’ll never pass”; and
  • Final corridor, maturation: “You’re having a mid-life crisis. What about your kids, spouse, and career?”


What is even more disquieting is that in years past, there have even been some trans people who get rankled by the very idea that a trans person might transition prior to a certain, but arbitrary milestone of physical age. Their push to intercede and interrupt a trans person’s transition is driven by slightly different motives. Some of these obstructions even occur, tacitly so, at a social and even institutional level — such as at support group gatherings or in developing policies affecting trans people.

The core product, however, remains much the same: some trans people who transitioned during the last corridor of their life have not wanted younger trans people to transition during any of the earlier corridors which they themselves have already passed. Mercifully, this obstructiveness isn’t unanimous by any means, but it is informed heavily by internalized cissexism.

Whether out of a deep-seated jealousy or by a sense of resentment that another trans person — one who transitioned during one of these preceding corridors — might actually end up being invisible, transparent, or placed as cis in a cisnormative world is to remind themselves of their own barriers to transition when they were originally ready to transition (and the barriers they face now to avoid being singled out in a cisnormative social order as a known trans person).

Many couldn’t, though, because institutional-social resistance, as well as the threat and promise of retribution, was far greater — especially so during times when (and places where) to be trans meant to be “homosexual”, not trans, and where “being homosexual” meant being committed, condemned, or killed.


For now, here’s a short overview for each corridor, coupled with the kinds of messages of cisnormative resistance a trans person often hears when coming out within these.

First corridor. The first corridor of resistance is directed at trans people who voice their readiness to transition before the overture of their first (and hopefully on their terms, only) puberty. The cissexism directed toward these trans people is driven by an idea that young people are incapable of reaching core decisions about their personhood. Paradoxically, one’s sense of self as a girl or boy is not only keen, but also probably one of the earliest certainties for most people — often before socialization with other kids really gets underway in pre-K or kindergarten.

Second corridor. The second corridor of resistance occurs during adolescence. It’s important here to distinguish adolescence from puberty, since the former indicates the body’s physical age, while the latter indicates internal changes to the body based on one’s endocrine system. Puberty can happen at different times, and for many trans people, it happens twice. The cissexism directed toward these trans people is motivated by a myth that adolescence begets confusion — when, if anything, it’s the time when people start to firmly emerge into their own as young adults. It is also when morphological changes in one’s body, with respect to sexual dimorphism, are at their most dynamic.

Third corridor. The third corridor of resistance occurs after adolescence, but during a time of plasticity between childhood and adulthood — transitionally between first puberty’s development and body maturation. Cissexism towards trans people voicing themselves whilst in this corridor is driven by a belief that to transition at this time should be put off until they’re truly, utterly, deeply sure. This is often coupled with a vague caveat that transitioning whilst in this corridor will certainly result in everyone (cis) seeing that they are visibly trans; that they will be unloved and undesirable; that they will suffer; and that they will be transitioning “too late” to avert the fourth corridor.

Final corridor. The final corridor of resistance is the corridor in which many trans people of every age worry they could become: maturation — that is, once the body begins to decline with aging, after growth and development have ended. Trans people who transition in this corridor confront the most vocal resistance from cis people because their social linkages with the cisnormative world have become complex and interwoven.

At the same time, the standards of care for trans people, founded and maintained by cis people (as well as some trans people), have facilitated to reduce the impediments to transition during this corridor — relatively so to preceding corridors. The cissexist logic behind this is, “Well, if you’re still sure about this, despite so much working against you, then sure. We’ve got the solution for you, but you’ll have to pony up.”

The cissexism directed toward these trans people is driven by a premise that, for trans women, they’re “really just men” (because their body may reveal its long history of endocrine masculinization), while for trans men, they’re really just the “butchest of the butch dykes” (because their body doesn’t reveal a long history of endocrine masculinization). Both are invalidating.

Further, entire cissexist theories on trans people’s lives tend to dwell and obsess over trans people who transition during this final corridor — sometimes at the subtractive expense of ignoring the very existence of every trans person who voiced themselves and did transition during one of those preceding cisnormative corridors.


Each of these corridors will be reviewed in detail over the next few essay instalments. Afterwards, how these have interplayed with one another and how they have shaped contemporary trans politics will also be explored.

[ed. note: the phrase “with respect to sexual dimorphism,” in describing the second corridor, added Jan 16th. On description of first corridor, “first . . . puberty” replaces “first . . . adolescence”, amended Jan 23rd.]

17 thoughts on ““Maybe you should never transition”: On the four cisnormative corridors of denial trans people face when readiness to transition is voiced.

  1. Thanks for this. Just got a chance to read in its entirety now, very insightful. In my case with my own family, once they realized my transition was inevitable, it became a back-and-forth push about time, with me trying to push ahead and them trying to get me to slow down. I more-or-less won that debate in the end, and in a lot of ways I am very fortunate. However it was not a fun battle and there are a lot of scars in the end.

    One quite minor criticism… in the description of the second corridor, I think it is better to say “Apart from infancy, it is also when morphological changes in one’s body are at their most dynamic,” or similar. Just to be entirely accurate.

  2. Thank you for this- my experience is reflected here. Mine was of the “you should wait until the kids are older” variety. I didn’t wait, but then afterward, I was expected to feel guilt for any subsequent problems that arose with the kids. Of course, this sort of ‘follow-on effect’ is insidious, and learning to deal with it has been quite a challenge, to say the least.

  3. Thanks for writing this. I could relate to much of it. In October, my mom expressed the wish that I would wait ten years to transition. She said that by then I (apparently) would have no more tuition debt, a steady job, and my own home. Earlier last year, she said that I was too young to know what I want, that I could regret my transition, and that she would not refer to me by my preferred name/pronouns. You are right. It is violence.

    I know my mom loves me but I am not psychologically capable of waiting years. My transition is a life-or-death issue for me.
    I have decided that I will increase my student loans so that I can move out. That way I can transition in a household where I feel safe and comfortable–not erased and silenced. My mental health might improve then too.

    I really appreciate this essay. Thanks again.

  4. I especially liked the discussion of people who transition later discouraging people who transition young. I had a hard time getting people to believe me as a teenager, and yet I recently caught myself feeling very bothered by people in the first and early second of these corridors. It’s interesting to think of our motives for these types of feelings.

  5. I won’t deny that any attempt by some late transitioning people to discourage younger people to transition exist, and this indeed could be rooted for some by resentment or having being past confronted to a harsher institutional-social resistance. That said I’m glad to observe here in the north-west of the EU that there is way more transitioning guidance, media & dedicated groups geared toward the trans youth ; which is a great, while specific to mature people transitioning issues (such has keeping in harmony with their siblings, past colleagues links, old relatives, etc … or not!… but also employment vs age vs health vs (dis)ability matters specially faced by last corridor) are nearly nonexistent (or i haven’t found any yet, point me some pls) as far as media & dedicated/networks/guidance representative specific groups are concerned; which is not so great and might have some root in gerontophobia / “young is good, old is bad” kind concept which permeate all of western society.

    • That trans-on-trans oppression works both ways. There’s an increasingly common claim among earlier transitioners that later ones harm them because they are less likely to pass-as-cis (as well.)

      • What you claim in first sentence is indeed probably observable. Yet I don’t trust your second one, for most peoples I know past transition are mature in mind and so pretty unconcerned to know or judge if a new person in transition would be passing or not. This is nearly silly and by the way your entire comment, to my words, totally bypass what I wanted to convey.

      • It’s moreso that younger/earlier transitioners seem to be buying into old tropes about ‘real girls’, femme normativity, and the idea that knowing from a young age equates to validity. Which… reminds me a bit of trans-separatism, weirdly enough. I think that may relate back into this news-media narrative of things.

        (I apologize if this triple-posts, having some issues Gravatar or whatever)

      • True, that. Younger trans* folk seem convinced that older trans* women are interested only in having sex with them. And they’re quite vocal about how physically repulsive older trans* women are. I’ve done no harm to any young trans* woman. But to hear them tell it, my very existence makes their lives nearly unbearable.

  6. Reblogged this on Flesh & bone and commented:
    I don’t do much in the way of posts on this blog AT ALL, let alone reblogging, but this one is so much about me I can’t not.

    My reply Twit on @7rin
    @ https://twitter.com/7rin/status/374743474106400768
    If I could’ve @ 6 like I wanted @patienceinbee @cisnormativity it’d’ve worked cuz the #socialisation would’ve been included. 2 late 4 me now

    It’s the same as being an adoptee – I’m both and neither.

  7. I can say with absolutely no possibility of self-deception or dishonesty that I have NEVER interfered with or obstructed a young trans* person who wished to surgically transition. Never. I have instead ALWAYS supported them, been happy for them and the only envy I’ve experienced was that I wished I could do it myself.

    However, I have been on the receiving end of some pretty fierce prejudice FROM TRANS WOMEN AND TRANS MEN in regards my physical appearance, passing ability and general public presentation. I’m a fifty-eight year old trans woman who had a serious heart attack three years after beginning hormones and changing all my paperwork. Now I cannot complete any further physical changes because I’m full of blood thinners–for that metal valve in my heart. No surgeon here or in Thailand would dare touch me for purely legal liability reasons. I’d bleed to death, in other words. So I’m stuck with this face and this annoying, useless thing between my legs.

    Is this a factor in my acceptance within the trans* community? You bet it is. I was expelled from the largest civil rights group in the State of Oregon because their leadership decided that my appearance was “sending the wrong message.” I was invited to resign from a volunteer counselor position for an LGBT youth group because the director was convinced that a “middle-aged man in a dress” could not possibly be anything but a sexual predator. (She threatened me with a police investigation and made it clear that the kids would say whatever she told them to say if they wanted to stay in the program. I’m no fool. I resigned)
    I have had my membership applications to the largest trans* alliance in Oregon rejected TWICE because the leadership was and still is convinced that my presentation is detrimental to their public image and stated goals. (The president told me, “You wear too much makeup for any of us to take you seriously. You haven’t done a thing about your beard and your tits are obviously falsies. We don’t like you, we don’t need you and we don’t want you.”) Even the group that meets at my university and should be held to the inclusiveness of their charter addressed me as “Sir” when I attended one of their meetings and referred to me as “he” and “him.”

    Bigotry isn’t limited to cisgender folk or Christian fundamentalists or greasy politicians looking to make political capital. (Hello, I’m talking to YOU, Barney Frank!) Those trans* folk in positions of power, either major or minor, have an unpleasant habit of excluding people they don’t like or deem unacceptable. (A trans* friend of mine, one of the few remaining, refers to these people as the “tranny police”; self-appointed and full of nearly religious zeal to eliminate the unacceptable) Perhaps this is a pendulum-over-reaction from having been treated so poorly themselves. Perhaps. And perhaps it’s just another example of our monkey-minds reverting to ancient wiring that demands we become the top monkey at any cost.

    I don’t care anymore. I no longer attend trans* events and I no longer interact with other trans* folk for any reason at any time. I no longer have the strength or patience to endure bigotry from those alleged to represent me or have my best interests at heart. As far as I can tell, the only interest the so-called “leaders” of the trans* community have is increasing their own prestige and political capital.

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